Alberton

The end of June found me, my sister Lore, and our friend Shelly winging our way to Missoula, Montana for a quick visit with my daughter, Courtney, and her family.

"Corky" and family moved in March to the small town of Alberton, just 20 minutes from the metropolis of Missoula. Ron grew up in Alberton and his family roots run wide and deep in this village of 400 people - most of them his relatives.

There are no stop lights in Alberton. I don't even recall seeing any stop signs. There's one feed store, one church, two restaurants and two bars, but we only made it to one of the bars run by a relative of Ron's.

And I can't forget to mention - one amazing building full of used books. The book shelves run from the floor to a 12 foot ceiling. The basement is full too. There's no computer system to find the books, just categories to browse. A pull chain hangs from fluorescent lights in each row to save on electricity. The woman who waited on us told of a fellow who went to the basement, came back out, went to his car and came back in again with a head lamp on. He didn't realize he had to turn on the lights in the basement!

We arrived Friday evening. The air was dry and still hot, somewhere in the 90's. The prediction was the temperature would be over 100 degrees Saturday and Sunday. Although the Evans' Mountain Meadows rental home has no air conditioning, the electric fans did the job and we slept comfortably. Ron took Shelly and I on a coffee run early Saturday morning and a trip down memory lane as he showed us his family homestead. He told stories of hunting mountain goats, fishing and living in a teepee for a period of time while a log cabin was being built. He is so at home and so happy to be there. Corky's pioneer spirit is alive and well in Montana and its' obvious they've made a good choice.

Ben is loving the life too. He hates to come inside, has a blast in the 7500 gallon above ground pool, feeds his chickens, dogs Giant and Lulu; and cat, Bruce (who happens to be female). He goes fishing with dad and big brother, Ryan. He'll undoubtedly become a hunter too, not to mention he's already sharpening his pool game at the local bar.

The one day we had in Alberton was fun and memorable. The "kids" had borrowed my vehicle and trailer to haul furniture in March so Ron hitched them up for us on Sunday and we hit the road after a terrific breakfast at the local restaurant.

I spent most of my grade school years in Montana, so I remember vividly the hot summers and cold winters. It's not a place I see myself living any time soon, but I'm certainly happy for the Evans family. They're loving life in "God's Country" and loving each other. What more could anyone ask!

It's that Time Slipping by Thing Again!

2015. How did that happen? The obvious answer is one day at a time; one moment at a time. Is it just my perception or are those moments and days slipping by faster and faster as I age.

My 2014 book of blog posts which I print ever year and give to my daughters, will be thin indeed. But as I stated before, it wasn't for lack of stories to tell, it was lack of time to sit down and write them!

The first three months were quiet as far as photography was concerned. It gave me more time, with the encouragement of a friend, to make progress on writing my memoir, From Australia with Love. My goal was to write about 3000 words a week which I did for quite a while. I was even inspired to join a writers' group called the Wordsmiths. We meet once a month and critique one another's work. It also made me realize what an undertaking it is to write my own memoir when others start reacting to it and making suggestions for revision. I teach others to write memoir and over the last three years, it's been fun and inspirational teaching two eight-week sessions from January through April, but I don't have time in class or between classes (until 2014) to write myself.

March blew in and with it a resurgence in photography. Seniors and their families realize these young people are about to graduate and perhaps leave the nest. They decide it's time to get photos of these precious days. And seniors like locations, primarily parks, but again this year I had a senior who was able to talk Korum Ford into loaning him a Dodge Charger, just for photos.  A couple years before his brother borrowed a Ford Mustang Convertible. Photo shoots where people bring their own creativity and personality into the picture are my favorites. I also did more boudoir photography this year. One of my clients had access to horses and a barn as well as classic cars. This was a session that took two days to complete, but it was well worth the effort. The results were stunning.

With the help of Shelly and Vee, we shot 11 weddings and three military balls. The military balls were interesting and educational. Each company had its own culture and character, but all were moving with regard to  ceremonies and recognition of valor.

Family photography is still my mainstay throughout the year. Many families return for milestone events in their lives and their children's' lives. About one third of my 109 clients were returning for additional photo sessions. I'm so happy they like the results. I now  have over 35,000 photos on my website and at times I look at those pictures and am a little awestruck that I was able to capture such a special moment in someone's life. What a blessing!

I continued my involvement as Treasurer of my Sumner IG P.E.O. women's' group which raises scholarship funds for women to continue their education. This group of sisters has grown to include some of my best friends, because I suggested the group to them and because those who were already there have become good friends. And it's just plain fun!

A huge accomplishment this year was receipt of the IRS determination letter for Friends At Your Metro Animal Shelter (FAYMAS), a non-profit started by Chris Lynch and me. Our mission is increase pet adoptions, improve the quality of shelter animals' lives, and promote spay and neuter for animals in our local public shelter. Once we received the determination, we scrambled to create the non-profit. It's very similar to starting a small business with lots of details and logistics to consider. But by year-end, we had our board, a strategic plan, bylaws, a website, a Facebook presence, 56 members and most importantly, we had helped to raise $3000 for an ongoing cat kennel project and directly gave another $2390 to the shelter to help with the same project. Since we were able to accomplish all that in about three months, just think what we'll do in 2015!

I see my sister, Lore, about once a month or so. She lives in Tukwila and even though it's not that far, time gets away from us. We talk often and she catches me up on what's happening with her five children. As one who is very frugal with her money, she's managed to accumulate enough frequent flyer miles so that she and her oldest daughter, Nicolette, will be heading for Hawaii in April to visit Lore's son, Kevin,  and his family and her youngest daughter, Nanette, and family. Wish I could go.

My daughters, Courtney and Kendall and their families, continue to do well. Courtney is not only working at Children's Hospital in Seattle as a supervising nurse, she's also working in Puyallup at Good Samaritan on a per diem basis. Her daughter, Karina came to visit a couple times this year which is always a treat. Hard to believe she's a senior at Bob Jones University this year. We got reacquainted with her in her freshman year. It's that time slipping by faster and faster thing again. Ron had an adventure working in Alaska for about a month, but is home now recuperating from knee surgery. Ben is just as much fun as ever, but I can't believe he turned four years old.

In mid-December, Courtney informed me they have decided to move to Montana. Ron grew up there and they love the lifestyle it affords for themselves and for Ben. Ron's daughter, Marissa, lives in the area they are considering also. I'm sad, of course, and can't imagine not having them nearby, even if we don't see each other all the time, but they have to do what's best for their family.

Kendall and Jon moved at the end of the year also, but not far away. They're now in a new development in Bonney Lake and loving it. Jon's not fond of the commute to Boeing being a bit further and Kendall is trying to figure out how to cut down on her commute to Puyallup, but things have a way of working out well for this family.

Scott's children, Summer and Steve have prospered this year. Steve has a new position as a construction superintendent with a company that builds multi-million homes. His best news is that he's found the love of his life in Kelly and they've settled with Trent into a lovely home in Tacoma. The commute for both of them to Bellevue isn't much fun, but they're making the best of it for now.

Summer is still working for the Wright family in Seattle a few days a week and Michael's advertising company is doing very well. Grandchildren Margo, five and a half, and Addison, who just turned 10 are now on the same school schedule, so that's a relief for their mom and dad.

Devon and Laurel, Scott's oldest son and wife, live in Katy, Texas. Their days a filled with work, a dog, fishing and enjoying life.

On the home front, Scott continues to sleep a lot. In fact we're headed to the Sleep Study clinic tomorrow to see if he can tolerate a CPAP machine. His pulmonologist is getting pretty stern with him about his sedentary life style. When he is up, it's all about his recording studio. One of these days, he may actually record someone! Perhaps that's what 2015 will bring. It will also bring a 70th birthday for me and a 71st for Scott.

How did that happen?! It's that time slipping by thing again. www.BonnieKingPhotography.com

For Better or Worse

Scott and I will celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary in one month. You would think after all this time, very little would surprise me about this man, but somehow he still manages to get a rise out of me - sometimes that's a good thing; other times, not so much. Case in point...

I'll admit it, I'm a bit of a grump in the morning. My utterances are few. Scott on the other hand is ready for a full blown conversation. "Good morning! How are you this morning? How did you sleep? Is there any coffee?

I've just shuffled out of the bathroom and haven't even fed the dog yet and there's supposed to be coffee - aarrghh - really! My response yesterday was, "Yes. Okay. Okay. No." When Scott asked for further clarification, I said, "Don't you realize that I'm monosyllabic in the morning?!" (I realized that using a word with five syllables, I was contradicting myself). Scott's response: "Oh, I thought you were Norwegian."

And then there was the incident with the walker. The family knows that when Scott wants something and I'm not within his line of sight, he will holler at the top of his lungs, "Bonnie King."  Although his lungs are impaired, he still has volume when he wants it and can count cadence with the best of soldiers. The family thinks his name calling is funny and we all joke about it.

I was around the side of the house watering plants. I had my rubber flip flops on which had become soaked with water. Every step was a "squish." Then I heard it. "Bonnie King" - more than once. I squished and slipped my way around the corner to see Scott sitting in the garage (whoops - it's to be called his "studio") and pointing at the driveway. "It's my walker. Run after it; it's going down the driveway!"  Riiiiiiggghtt. I'm supposed to run in wet, slippery flip flops after a walker that with help from Scott, took off toward the gulley, made a quick left turn and headed down a 30 percent grade (or something like that) to the street.

I imagined the worst: that the walker was going to create some calamitous accident with a car running into it as it shot into the street. I squished my way to the top of the driveway and was very thankful to see the walker had stopped at the curb. Close one. I slipped and slid down the driveway, retrieved the runaway and in no uncertain terms asked Scott if he knew the walker had hand brakes. He indignantly explained, he was just trying to move it out of the way and it was a good thing it didn't hit the van in our driveway. My eyebrows rose on that one!

Oh well - there's never a dull moment living with Honey Haverly. For better or worse. :-)

Saturday Morning Musings

            Morning’s translucent grey light beckons my eyes to open. I refuse.

            I should pull the blinds at night, but I’d still wake up. I always wake up at 7:30 anyway. And it’s just one more thing to do at night. I don’t want to get up. This is the first morning in a long time I haven’t had to be somewhere. No clients today, just playing catch up.

            Tot hops on my chest, puts his wet nose against mine and tickles me with his whiskers. I pull the covers up and roll over, but he’s persistent. With his rough little tongue, he licks my cheek and chin. I cover my face with my hand because I know he’ll sneeze any minute.

            He hasn’t been sneezing as much lately. Maybe he’s finally getting over the virus the vet says he has. I can’t believe he’s eight months old already. One of these days, he’ll actually grow into his huge bushy tail.

            Tot sneezes the minute I uncover my face. Nothing like tiny wet droplets of kitten snot in the morning to get my attention. I wipe my face, grab and cuddle him anyway, petting his silky soft Tabby fur. I look into his eyes with their Egyptian eyeliner trailing from each corner. His eyes are wide open, mine just barely. What a character he his! Half the size of the dog, Charlie, and our other cat, Riley, he loves stalking each of them, pouncing on their tails. It makes them barking, hissy-fit mad.

            I don’t want to get up. Charlie’s probably crossing his back legs wanting to get out of the utility room, he needs feeding, Scott will want his coffee and breakfast, and I need to get a lot of paperwork done today. Wonder if my brother wrote back this morning? It’s been a long time since I heard from him and when he does email me, it’s usually with something he’s forwarding like the Veteran’s Day remembrance he sent last night. His email to me was so brief, just about his medical challenges and not much about Bert. Maybe I overwhelmed him with my recount of family happenings when I responded to his initial email. I only gave him a few facts, not the real stuff of life. It’s easy for me to say Scott’s side of the family has all the drama, but maybe that’s my way of not getting into detail about what’s really going on.

            Courtney’s husband, Ron, is in Adak, Alaska working on a two month construction project. His son, Ryan, who has been living with them is supposed to go join the crew of four. He quit his job in Tacoma and is waiting for the company owner to let him know what day he’s supposed to fly out. He’s never flown before and Courtney’s worried about how he’ll do, not only on the flight, but on the job. Courtney also worries about Ron pacing himself so he doesn’t get hurt. There’s no good medical care in Adak and his complicated medical history doesn’t help calm her nerves. If anything major happened, he would have to be flown to Anchorage. She threatened him with what a helicopter ride might cost. Do you suppose that will keep him healthy? In the meantime, Courtney is arranging care for three-year old Ben while she works weekend nights at Children’s Hospital in Seattle as a supervising nurse. Courtney is truly a care giver. How many times have I said, “Courtney, don’t forget to take care of yourself.”

            Courtney’s daughter, twenty-one year old Karina, was here with her adoption mom, Laura, this week. They stayed with Courtney for three nights. We all had dinner together on Wednesday and I had a chance to visit with them again Thursday afternoon. I hadn’t seen Laura since we met at Good Samaritan Hospital when Karina was born.

            That was hard for me – those days and the ones that followed. I wanted Courtney to keep Karina, but she was eighteen and it was her decision. I know it was hard for her too, but the decision was about Karina.

            After spending time with Laura this week, I know where Karina gets her critical thinking skills and her wonderfully sassy attitude. Intelligent and outspoken, Laura is very involved in politics in Ketchikan, Alaska. Although they couldn’t be more opposite in political beliefs, Laura and Scott had a very spirited, civil discussion Wednesday evening with each respecting the other’s views, if not agreeing with them. Courtney was holding her breath when that discussion began. So was I. Guess we both tend to avoid confrontation.   

            Kendall is my researcher, gatherer of all possible data before-making-a-decision, daughter. I love her for it. Will she or won’t she go back to teaching science in a junior high in Puyallup next fall? She’s applied for other very different positions in two school districts, started a business of her own, is taking care of two children under the age of three and a half, working online at night for a university critiquing student teachers, and still has time to give sound advice and share feelings about what matters to her with her friends on Facebook. When Jon leaves on trips for Boeing, the responsibilities escalate for a couple weeks at a time. Kendall becomes a single parent. Regardless of all that, every decision she finally makes (but may change based on better data) takes into consideration the welfare of her children, Micah and Grace.

            Was I ever that thoughtful when it came to making decisions as a young parent? I don’t think so. I’ve learned so much from Kendall – and not just about nutrition.

            My seventy-nine year old sister Lore was here Wednesday evening also. I really admire her. Quick witted, with a ready laugh and a kind heart, she’s certainly had her challenges. In the last three years, she had breast cancer, fell and broke her ribs while in the hospital and then, had to postpone gall bladder surgery because of it. Now cancer free and also free of her gall bladder, she flew to Hawaii in February for her granddaughter, Hailey’s, fourth birthday. While her children and three grandsons are doing well, two of her other grown granddaughters have caused a lot of heartache. One is in California. Lore gave her a home for over a year and encouraged a new beginning, only to have her use one of Lore’s credit cards without permission. She ran up a huge bill that wasn’t discovered until after she had moved out. The other has served thirteen years of a twenty-six year prison sentence for burglary and assault. Lore just bought her a system to convert printed text to braille, so she can become a certified transcriber or braillist while in prison. It will earn her a small income and provide her with marketable skills when she’s released.

            I’m so blessed to have the daughters I do. I remember Lore consoling her daughter when they came to a choral performance at Pacific Lutheran University in which Kendall was performing. The contrast in life journeys between Lore’s granddaughters and my daughters was heart wrenching for them.

            Lore called me Thursday to thank me for inviting her to the family gathering Wednesday evening. She’s so appreciative. I need to visit her more often. She mentioned on the phone that Scott looked worse than when she saw him last. I was sitting with Scott at the time of the phone call and with a breezy response, told her we were together and that he has his challenges. She got the message. He is getting worse. That’s what happens when you smoke for 57 years.

            Scott’s pulmonologist told us he has the lungs of a four year old trying to support a 250 pound man. In spite of that, Scott told me he’s really enjoyed the last month. He did a couple presentations at the senior center about writing his book and he had a loving in-person conversation with son Devon, who he hasn’t seen in three and a half years. Being a part of the writing class I taught gave him an ego boost. He was surrounded by women his age who gave him positive feedback on his writing. He was in heaven!

            Since it’s tough for Scott to get out, I’m inviting interesting people we’ve met to have dinner with us. Bring the fun to him, if he can’t get out to find it for himself.

            Thank heavens for Kendall’s crockpot recipes. I really don’t like cooking. With more than two guests, it seems you work and work and then people eat it and then you have to clean up and wonder why you haven’t had a decent conversation with anyone. I’m going to keep it simple with the two-at-a-time guest plan and hope the conversations, in which I hope to participate, make up for my cooking.

            And there’s always Scott’s studio to think about. Three years since he’s recorded anyone in it and maybe I’m being stubborn, but I refuse to help him with it. He has other people who can help and it’s his project, not mine. For twenty years, I’ve been carrying equipment up and down stairs for him. If I have to carry one more piece upstairs, only to have to carry it downstairs a month later, I’ll scream or stomp on his oxygen tubing or refuse to bring him coffee in the morning or do something equally heinous.

            Tot is sleeping on me with one paw on my face and his tail curled around my neck like a fur collar. I should get up. I have to pee, my lower back hurts and my hips are stiff. Is this what old age is about – aches and pains in the morning. Oh well, once I get going, they’ll go away – usually do. I may have to take some Ibuprophen. I still have to let Charlie out, brew a new pot, fix my oatmeal, take my vitamins, get Scott’s coffee and breakfast, make sure he takes his pills, start a load of washing, get some paperwork done and I really want to get out in the yard…

            I roll over to look at the clock. 10:23 am. How did that happen!

Ben's September

It has been quite a month for my grandson, Ben.

He started a coop preschool twice a week, has a new speech therapist, and he turned three years old!

The other big event this month is that the week after his birthday party his daddy, Ron, ended up in the emergency room twice and was admitted to Good Samaritan Hospital on Thursday. Ron discovered the Monday before at a doctor's appointment, that he gained 60 pounds in just 19 days. (That's not a typo - yes, it was 60 pounds). The doctor put him on a diuretic the same day and for the next two days, he couldn't keep anything down. He was admitted to a Tacoma ER on Wednesday, given fluids, blood tests and sent home. Thursday after another appointment in Puyallup, he began vomiting that was so concerning, Courtney took him to the ER at Good Samaritan where they admitted him.

According to Courtney, Ron is a mystery man when it comes to his medical issues. In the last few months, he has had just about every part of his body examined via MRI's, echocardiograms, blood tests, pokes and prods. Some major diseases were ruled out, but the weight gain still has doctors scratching their collective heads. That's a picture!

Late Saturday afternoon, Courtney was called back to the hospital. Ron was not doing very well and by this time, a number of people were praying for him. He had been sleeping almost constantly since being admitted and wasn't very responsive, even when his best buddy, Ben, came to see him. Later Saturday night, Ron seemed to wake up. Although still somewhat delirious, he was shaken when told it was Saturday; he'd lost two days of his life. He shared with Courtney that before he woke up, he thought he was dying and that he was arguing with God about why he couldn't die. And when he first awoke, he wasn't sure whether he was in Heaven or not! (I've seen his sterile hospital room. There shouldn't have been any question regarding his whereabouts... but then again, he was just waking up).


Ron is still in the hospital, perhaps for another day or two and they are still working on a diagnosis, but he's back to being himself and giving all the hospital staff and Courtney a hard time. Ben has gotten used to the fact he's visiting his daddy in the hospital and that it's okay for him not to come home with them. Very confused and sad about it the first day, Ben has been remarkably contented to visit with cousin Micah and Gracie and to stay with Nana Bonnie. Perhaps God not only answered everyone's prayers for Ron to stay with us, but he may also have reassured little Ben. Please keep the family in your prayers.

Thanksgiving on Christmas Eve

With all of the tragedies this year, experienced by people near to us (Oregon) and farther away (Connecticut), I believe my daughter, Kendall, provided a perspective worth remembering. She said, "If I let fear overtake me, I wouldn't go out of the house, I wouldn't take Micah to daycare, and I wouldn't walk into my classroom. I believe we should focus on the heroes, the good deeds and the kindness that has been a result."

Kendall didn't say these things to discount the real emotional and physical  pain being experienced by the families and the victims, but to remind herself and me that what we need comes from our faith in God, not a focus on the negative.

I am so blessed and thankful to have two daughters who remind me daily what's important in life. We were able to spend Christmas Eve together again this year, along with Scott's daughter, Summer, and son, Steve, and all their families. My sister brought two of her sons, Danny and Michael, and a grandson, VJ. Scott's nephew, Benevan, also joined us from California. What a treat!

Birthdays and Birth Days

Ben just celebrated his second birthday on the 17th. A small group of friends and family helped him do that on Sunday, the 16th. His other grandma, Judy, came all the way from North Dakota to be there and to spend extended time with the family.

 The main focus of the day was the trampoline that my son-in-law, Ron, found on Craig's list for free! He's become a Craig's list addict, having exchanged an antique rifle for a boat recently. Ben also has a line-up of motorized toy cars in the back yard, all

thanks to his dad's wheeling and dealing. (Well, almost motorized. One needed a little next door neighbor, Rachelle, power to get the kids around. Grandson, Trent, looked on. Isn't that the way it is, ladies?! In all fairness to Trent, I do have pictures of him pushing too.)

Ron replaced some parts on the trampoline and on Sunday, it proved to be as good as new. The number of children and the amount of bouncing it endured for hours were a testimony to its durability. Neither the trampoline nor the children wore out before all the guests had to leave.

Micah's second birthday is coming up the end of December. He's becoming a talkative little guy with a ready giggle and a love of rocks and dirt. He and Ben both share these passions.

But the big family news is about a birth day sometime the end of January or first part of February. Micah will have a baby sister named Grace. We're all so excited about having a little girl in the family. She'll be the first girl since granddaughter Margo was born three and a half years ago. Kendall's text message to a number of family and friends, sent after the ultrasound read, "Sugar and spice and everything nice...we're having a sweet baby girl!" It came along with a picture of Jon and Kendall holding a little girl's dress. Her step sister, Summer (Margo's mom), wrote in reply, "Hip Hip Horray!!! We are so excited! Let the girly shopping begin!  And it has.

My life has been so enriched by two wonderful grandsons, who have birthdays, and now life will be even sweeter because of a little girl who will soon have a birth day. www.BonnieKingPhotography.com

What I've Learned from Scott

Eighteen years today... That's how long Scott and I've been married. For a woman who's been married before and never reached double digits, it's quite an accomplishment!

We eloped to Reno.  We were married in a small chapel across the street from the marriage license office. The candles were plastic, the flowers were plastic, and I wasn't too sure about the minister who rushed in at the last moment. But the ceremony accomplished the mission. We were to have been married on a paddle boat on Lake Tahoe, but found out when we arrived at the boat dock with our friends/witnesses Teri and Linda Pittman, the trip had been cancelled for lack of passengers. While Scott was beginning to wonder whether this was an sign, I was not to be deterred from the purpose of the trip.  Something about the Taurus personality. And so it was that we officially began our 18 years together. Some were rocky, some very worrisome because of Scott's health issues, but all the years have helped me become a better person than I would have been without him.

This is what I've learned from Scott:

-Don't sweat the petty things - And don't pet the sweaty things.
-Coffee is a must, first thing in the morning
-When dining out, eat like there's no tomorrow - and you'll regret it every time.
-For the men – When you see an attractive woman with a headache, no matter who she is or where you are, offer to get rid of her problem by pressing your thumb into the palm of her hand. (It happened again today while Scott was in the doctor’s office and I was in the waiting room. He swore to me she said it worked).
-It’s important to savor your food by eating slowly; one I still haven’t learned. I’m picking up dishes while he’s still masticating.
-The journey is much more exciting than the destination when you’re not sure where you’re going and really don’t care if you ever get there.

I’ve also learned:

-To appreciate the touch of his hand on my arm

-The importance of hugs

-To enjoy the moment, even without laughter

-To say “I love you” when you’re also saying, “goodbye,” even if it’s just a trip to the grocery store

-To follow my dreams because I know I’ll have Scott’s support

-The importance of forgiveness, even when you can’t forget

And probably most important of all: How to love your spouse… regardless. Happy anniversary, Honey Haverly!

Anticipation

Hard to believe that in just a few days - six to be exact - my "new" 19-1/2 year old granddaughter will be arriving to stay with Courtney, Ron and Ben. I'm not sure if I'll get to meet her Wednesday or have to wait for the barbeque being planned for Thursday. But Courtney informed me that picture taking in my studio (yes, I'll be in some of them this time) will happen on Friday morning and probably school clothes shopping for Karina on Saturday. Saturday is a girls' only day for Courtney, Kendall, Karina and me. Can't wait!

But then again, we've been waiting 19-1/2 years. I still remember the day Courtney gave birth to Karina. I was there along with Courtney's best friend, Krista, and Krista's mom whose name is also Bonnie. At one point in the birthing process, I clearly remember Courtney saying, "I can do this!" And of course she did and the result was a beautiful, healthy baby girl who was lovingly received by her new parents, Hans and Laura.

I gave them a bear as a gift for Karina before they left the hospital. You can imagine my delight when I found out that Karina still has the bear and he goes everywhere with her. I'll be meeting him again too. When he left Puyallup years ago, he carried a few tear stains and you can bet that if he's in sight when Karina and I meet again, he'll be used to blot some more tears - of joy this time!

"Fat Girls Don't Shop at the Mall"

My daughter, Courtney, and I finished the second 8-week Body Back class last night. With Courtney's permission, I'm going to tell her "Body Back" story, but first...

Super woman and instructor, Codi Howell, starts her next 8-week Body Back Puyallup class on Tuesday, June 26th, 7:15 - 8:15 at Bradley Lake Park in Puyallup. The classes are Tuesday and Thursday. Call her for details: 253-495-4151.  Another amazing woman and classmate, Amber Warren, is now a certified instructor as well and will be offering an 8-week Body Back Auburn, Tuesday/Thursday class from 7-8 pm, starting July 10th. Call Amber at 253-293-2244.

Courtney has struggled with her weight issues, since she was a teenager. In early 2008, she made great progress losing pounds, but in August 2008, she was in a car accident which resulted in spinal surgery two months later. Because of the accident and the two-month wait for surgery, she was left with nerve damage to her left leg. She had no feeling in her foot for a long time and she couldn't trust her body to do what she wanted.

In the years which followed with recovery from surgery, falling in love, getting married, dealing with her husband Ron's medical issues, and having a baby - Courtney's life became one of caring for everyone else (and she's a nurse) besides herself. The result, in terms of her health, was an added 75 pounds. In early March, she ended up in the hospital with undiagnosed chest pain. This was the motivation for her to listen to her sister, Kendall, about joining the first 8-week Body Back class which started on March 6th. At Kendall's urging, I joined as well and all three of us sweated together twice a week in the downtown Puyallup studio under Codi's watchful eye. And it was fun. There were other grandmas in the class. We became a community of friends, encouraging and supporting one another. Courtney and I decided to continue for another 8 weeks. Last night, when asked what was most impacting about the class and with tears streaming down her face, this is what Courtney shared:

I was scared at first. I didn't trust my body to be able to exercise, much less run! Sixteen weeks ago, I would not have gone shopping at the mall for clothes. I always bought my clothes on-line using the excuse that I couldn't get long enough pants. The truth was, I believed fat girls don't shop at the mall. I was embarrassed and didn't want to look at myself in full length mirrors.

At the age of 18, I chose an adoption plan for my baby girl. The same week I started the Body Back class, she came back into my life via Facebook. She's now 19-1/2 years old. I've always imagined what that would be like and wanted my daughter to be proud of me. Sixteen weeks ago, I wasn't sure if I was ready for her to meet me. In these past two months, I've also been promoted to a supervising nurse management position at Children's Hospital, another step out of my comfort zone.

This has truly been life changing for me. I just went shopping at the mall - even Victoria's Secret! I feel confident and good about myself. I know I'm a capable, empowered woman, and that this new life style of exercise and nutritious eating is well worth the investment of time and money. I'm worth it! I know I still have a long way to go, but I'm also now ready to meet Karina, who'll be coming to visit in eight weeks. Thanks, Codi.

God works in wonderful ways. Courtney lost a total of 40 pounds and 18.25 inches overall in sixteen weeks. She gained strength and endurance and was able to reduce her time running the half-mile from 8:14 to 6:20. More importantly, she has a new outlook on life and excitement about the future. It all shows!
(Scanned photo copies courtesy of Codi Howell)

My Fun Loving Father

Driving to a photo shoot in Bellevue yesterday, I was musing about my dad, Webster Warren Bateman. Father's Day is around the corner and I'd just heard an announcer on the radio telling a funny story about his dad and asking listeners to retell their stories.

My dad was born May 28, 1911 in Marshall, Minnesota, the oldest male of six children. He had an older sister, a younger sister, and two younger brothers. He was a wild and crazy guy. In his teens, he’d left home with a brother to work in the circus traveling from town to town, hoisting tents, and doing whatever menial labor was available. I remember him telling me how he learned to hate hominy grits, since this was about all they had to eat. During the shows, dad performed as the back end of a giraffe while brother, Ray, served as the head. They may have changed positions from time to time since my dad liked being in charge. Boy, did he!

Even when I became an adult with children of my own, my dad was never bashful about making sure I knew how to do something his way. I laugh about it now, but while mom and dad were visiting me in Puyallup, I remember how frustrated I got when he instructed me from the passenger seat of my car, how to back down my own driveway!

Most of dad's career was spent either in heavy construction or trucking, although during World War II, he operated cranes and other equipment at the Kaiser Shipyards in Portland, Oregon. He was color blind and not eligible for the draft. He and his brother-in-law, George Tabor, were also the first to take semi-trailers from Montana to Alaska on the Alcan Highway (a gravel and dirt road at the time) hauling bombs for the government ("Uncle Sam").

Dad was a man who loved his family and having fun. He would dance a jig at parties, sing and make people laugh. He was known to tip a few and in later years, even more, but I prefer to remember him as the fun loving story teller (Jim Hill's bull was a favorite) and jokester.

For ten years from the late 70's, mom and dad lived in Benton City, located in south-central Washington. Out of 40 applicants, dad had been hired as the superintendent for Benton County's roads. Evidently, one of the other applicants who worked for the county, was upset he hadn't gotten the job instead, so he kept an eye on dad to see if he could undermine him.

Mom and dad had a dog named Blondie. She was a Cocker Spaniel with long golden hair and ears that draped gracefully to her shoulders, particularly when she was sitting. Dad knew he was being watched and followed, so one day he deliberately took Blondie with him in his truck, while inspecting the county roads. He also made sure Blondie was sitting very close to him in the front seat. (Bench seats allowed that kind of thing in the 70's).

Sure enough, my dad was reported for driving around the county with a woman in the truck! But dad, with good humor and a twinkle in his eye, demonstrated the mistaken identity of his "woman" to the county officials. That put an end to the disgruntled employee's spying attempts.

Dad passed away in November, 1997 at the age of 86. He was a fun and funny man, who for all his faults and foibles, will forever be dancing a jig in my heart.
www.BonnieKingPhotography.com

Finding Karina

As soon as I hit the send key March 3, 2012, the "what ifs" enveloped me with regret. What if the timing isn't right for her? She knows she's adopted, but what if she doesn't want to know her biological family? I didn't ask Courtney whether I should do this; now how do I explain this selfish impulse to her?

Three days earlier, I'd spent time with Courtney and our conversation turned to Karina, the daughter for whom Courtney, at the age of 18, had chosen an adoption plan. "I found her on the Internet," she said nonchalantly.

"You did! How did you do that?"

"I just Googled 'Karina, Class of 2011, Ketchikan, Alaska' and there were three Karinas with photos of each of them. I knew immediately who she was."

We continued our conversation. Courtney indicated she'd decided not to contact her, but wanted to leave it up to Karina to contact her, when and if she wanted to.

I mulled this over from Thursday until Saturday. Courtney had decided not to contact Karina, but she hadn't said anything about me not contacting her, I rationalized. When I couldn't contain myself any longer, I went online and found Karina's facebook page. There she was, looking like Courtney and at the same time, very much like her biological father. Without any further thought given to the consequences, I sent the following "friend" request:

"Hi Karina. I hope you won't be upset that I'm requesting you as a friend on facebook. I'm your biological grandmother. Your biological mother, Courtney, found you on the Internet and told me. She decided it would be up to you to contact her if and when you want to. I just wanted you to know we've loved and prayed for you all these years. We know you have wonderful parents and a younger brother, Michael. We will always wish only the best for you."

The next three days were full of prayers asking God to somehow keep my lack of self restraint from becoming a disaster. Monday, March 5th, my prayers were answered. I received the following facebook message from Karina:

"Dear Grandma Bonnie,
I never imagined that my first contact with my biological family would be through Facebook. It is truly funny how modern technology gives us these new opportunities. I was very surprised to see your friend request, but after much prayer and seeking counsel from my parents and other leading figures in my life, I have chosen to accept your request in the hope that our relationship will go beyond Facebook and that I can slowly become a part of your life and you can slowly become a part of mine. I have always had a desire in my heart to someday write a letter to you and to Courtney expressing my desire to meet you in person and Lord willing, have you all become a part of my life. It seems that God has chosen to move in a different way and bring us together much sooner than I had ever imagined, but this is something that I want very, very much. The past 19 years of my life have been wonderful. I have no regrets and neither should Courtney. She made the right choice and she chose for me two wonderful parents. My Mom and Dad have given me opportunities that some people only dream of. More than giving me opportunities, they have also given me a two-parent family that has centered our lives on Christ."

I wept tears of joy (and relief), as you can well imagine. Now I had to tell Courtney what had happened.

As we rode to exercise class together on Tuesday evening, I was thinking about how I would sit down with Courtney after class and tell her about facebook and Karina. The best laid plans...

"So - I see you're facebook friends with Karina," Courtney stated matter of factly, as I just about drove off the road.

"How did you know that?"

"Your facebook page says that you and Karina are friends. I saw it a couple days ago."

Feeling like a real dummy, not having thought (March was my month for not thinking, just doing) about the fact that Courtney checks my facebook page regularly, I asked her how she felt about it. Not surprisingly - she responded, "I was angry with you at first, but I've had some time to think about it and it's okay. Now I need time to process all this some more before I contact her."

I did ask Courtney to forgive me and by the end of the week, Courtney and Karina were friends on facebook. A couple weeks later, Kendall and Karina became friends too.

In the last two months, there have been many messages between Courtney and Karina with questions and answers covering the last 19-1/2 years of Karina's life. I've also done my share of messaging and emailing, with the understanding I wouldn't blog or write anything about it on facebook. (That's been very hard for the person who has trouble keeping secrets, but no trouble doing something impulsive!)

This past week, I was given permission by both Courtney and Karina to tell the story of finding Karina. And Karina just made her own facebook announcement too. After making plans with Courtney, she tagged Courtney, Kendall, and me on our facebook pages, that she'll be coming to Washington in mid-August to stay with Courtney, Ron and Ben for about three days before she heads back to college in South Carolina. We are all giddy with excitement and of course, she'll be visiting with the rest of us too!

Even selfish actions are used by God for good. That was certainly the case in finding Karina.

Microjoys

Grandson Ben is asleep on the couch in the TV room. His mom, Courtney, is down the hall asleep in my bed after her all nighter at work. As I watched Ben fall asleep, I couldn't help but think about how he grabs my knees when Bella barks or he's startled. Then I laughed at the thought, because he's already so tall (at 19 months, people mistake him for a three-year old), that one day I'll be hugging him around his belt buckle! That moment was a "microjoy." Joan Tornow in her book, Writing Memoir Together, said, "Best times are not found within the eras [of our lives], but moments." How true. The last couple weeks have certainly produced dramatic, sometimes stressful moments, but as I reflect, they also contained microjoys - moments of delight, pleasure, and happiness.

As many of you already know, my sister, Lore, went to the hospital with a gall bladder attack on the 9th of April. During the week in the hospital, there were a number of setbacks. They found she'd also had a heart attack; she managed to pull out an IV during her sleep and lost so much blood a transfusion was necessary; she fell because her bed wasn't locked and it rolled away from her as she stood up, causing a fall that broke four ribs. The broken ribs resulted in pneumonia. A microjoy for Lore was that her fears about bone cancer were allayed when the hospital did a bone scan. She does not have bone cancer, although they found osteo arthritis. Having just come through breast cancer and now being in remission, she had been concerned her continuing back aches were also caused by cancer. Lore came home on the 17th. She has home health care four hours a day, with visiting physical and occupational therapists. When I visited with her on Thursday, she talked with the physical therapist, and I was truly happy with her positive responses about taking one day at a time and getting through - just as she's done in the past year. This was a far cry from what I heard her saying in the hospital. She still faces having a stent placed in her heart and the removal of her gall bladder, but for now her attitude is positive and she's hopeful for the future. That's a microjoy from my point of view.

In the meantime, my son-in-law, Ron, had a medical procedure on his arthritic elbow. But due to miscommunication, the physician went ahead and operated not only on his right arm, but his left hand. Voila! No arms left to lift Ben when Courtney's working.

When Ron calls me and begins his conversations with how wonderful I am, I just smile because I know I'll have an opportunity to take care of Ben. Ron called when he got home from the clinic on the 16th. So Ben was here on overnight and yes, he did sleep with me, because he's been sleeping with his parents. But after a night of no sleep for me, once again, I let Courtney and Ron know, it's time for Ben to learn to sleep in the crib which sits at the bottom of my bed and is used by grandson Micah when he's here. My sister's advice when I visited her was, "Remember, you are the adult and he is the child!" She repeated this several times while lying prone on her couch and waving her hands for emphasis. She was adamant and I laughed at the sight of her making the point while trying not to move her ribs. She laughed too.

Last night was the great experiment. Ben did fall asleep with me on the couch before I put him in the crib and he slept until 3 am! He hollered for a while, but after I changed him and gave him another bottle, he went back to sleep. He woke again at 5 am, but I stayed strong and didn't respond to his cries, even though I was feeling those pangs of guilt, and he did go back to sleep. Yeah! Another microjoy! The night was a success from my standpoint. I feel human today. Courtney was pleased too when she came home this morning from work. They'll both go home this afternoon after she wakes up and they can begin the process at home too.

Other microjoys the past couple weeks included Courtney accepting a Nurse Supervisor position at Childrens' Hospital in Seattle where she's worked the past seven years. This is her first step into management. Not only that, but she is doing amazingly well with the diet and exercise class that she, Kendall,and I are engaged in. In fact Courtney and I have signed up for another eight weeks starting the first week in May.

Lots of microjoys have occurred in the last couple weeks and fortunately, I recognized them when they happened. Don't let those moments slip by. It may be just the smell of coffee brewing in the morning, a cat brushing against your leg, or sun streaming through the window. (Don't focus on the fact the windows need washing!). What was your microjoy today?

Rosie the Riveter

My mother would have been 100 years old today. Happy birthday, Mom!

Julia Loretta Skates, known most of her life as Loretta, was born April 5^th, 1912, although for years she assumed her birth year was 1913. It wasn’t until years later when applying for Social Security and researching birth records, she found out she’d actually been born in 1912. Here was a woman who unknowingly claimed to be a year younger most of her life, unlike many women who knowingly claim youth for years.

Mom had to work from the time she left high school. In answering a written questionnaire for her 50^th wedding anniversary, she listed her first paid position as - dishwasher. She also worked as a telephone operator, housekeeper, dime (you could actually buy something for 10 cents) store clerk, a waitress, and for a time as a furrier, cutting and sewing pelts together to make luxurious fur coats. I’m convinced she was one who would have taken on any job, no matter how demanding, if it meant providing for her family. She sewed for me and other family members all her life.

Dad met my mother sometime in 1938-39. Dad was working in construction and convinced her to move with him to Nebraska. They were married in North Platte on July 17^th, 1939. Mom hadn’t been out of one marriage very long before she found herself in another that started out somewhat questionably. She shared with me that the night of their wedding, dad’s construction buddies threw a huge shivaree, undoubtedly involving lots of alcohol and raucous behavior. Mom wandered out of the hall and into the parking lot. She sat wearily on the running board of a car, asking herself, “What have I gotten myself into this time?” So fearful was she that she may have made a mistake, she used her own savings for weeks to buy food and necessities for their apartment. She didn’t want to ask dad for anything. He eventually realized she probably needed money from his earnings. That began a relationship that lasted for over 50 years.

While my mother’s generation was affected by World War I and prohibition in their early years, it was the Depression and World War II that had the greatest impact on their lives. World War II brought people together and made them civic-minded. That spirit was certainly part of my mother’s character. Among her papers, I found her Civil Defense Council card dated April 1942 naming her an assistant block Air Raid Warden; her United War Chest card showed a commitment to donate $12 to the fund in 1943, and her voter registration indicated an intent to cast her vote in Precinct No. 284, Multnomah County, Oregon. I also have photos of my dad in line to give blood to the American Red Cross during the early years of the war.

Dad wasn’t eligible for the military in the 40’s because he was color blind, but both he and mom did their part to support the war effort by going to work for Kaiser Company in Portland, Oregon in 1942, building ships. Brother Corky (my half-brother, Raymond Whitney) filled in more details for me:

[Mom] went to electrical school to become an electrician in the ship yards, but by the time she got out of school they did not need electricians anymore but they did need welders, so back to school for her again. This was in the 40s. She then went to work at the Swan Island yard in Portland and was a welder on the Liberty ships they were building back then. Webb was a crane operator at the same yard. She did a lot of overhead welding and that was how she got a permanent sunburn on her upper chest.

When mom became a welder, she also became a “Rosie”. When asked what historical event had a strong influence on her life, mom responded, “World War II.” During the war, thousands of women took physically demanding jobs in shipyards like Kaiser. A wayward welding spark burned a section of her throat and she wore that scar with pride for the rest of her life. In addition to work in defense factories, many white-collar positions opened up to women for the first time. A woman’s ability to excel in a man’s world challenged stereotypes and elevated her to iconic stature – Rosie the Riveter

Rosie was a woman portrayed in overalls and polka-dot bandana welding, riveting, and setting records for the speed she could produce ships and planes. By the end of the war, one quarter of all women were working. One-third of the female defense workers had previously been full-time homemakers. In addition, 400,000 women joined the military.[i]

Once I was born April 29, 1945, mom didn’t work outside the home again, unless it was to do sewing for someone or to volunteer for worthwhile causes. Her return to being a housewife was mirrored by multitudes of women at the end of the war in 1945.

Saving was very important to my mother. She may have been “just a housewife,” but she was also the keeper of our family financial records which held her meticulous pencil entries. I never asked how, but my parents owned many homes in Montana, Washington and Oregon, all of which we lived in because of dad’s nomadic career in construction and trucking. There were even times when my paternal grandparents, James and Dena Bateman, would end up living in a house across the street from us. We weren’t ever wealthy, but I suspect my mother kept a tight rein on spending. This wasn’t an easy task, since my dad also loved to buy and sell cars. The same survey asked, “What experiences/ accomplishments are you most proud of?” Mom’s response: “We have our house and cars paid for.”

Mom made all my clothes, even my high school prom gowns. She was recycling before it became popular. Christmas cards from previous years were used to decorate the current year’s presents. The Depression and having to support herself at times, had taught mom indelible lessons about frugality. While this was important to her and I knew money didn’t flow freely in our household, using money wisely wasn’t a lesson I learned early on. In fact, once I started earning my own money, I was much better at spending than saving. Mom never said a word about it. She just wanted me to be happy.

While she was a woman of few words about herself and her own needs, she was alway ready to help others and did whatever she could for her family. Even though she's been gone since 1992, I've come to appreciate her story, her strength of character, and her love for me and others in our family more than ever. On top of that, she was Rosie, the Riveter.

---

[1] Matilda Butler and Kendra Bonnett. Rosie’s Daughters. The “First Women To” Generation Tells Its Story. Iaso Books, 2007. p. 13.

---