To Wear or Not to Wear - Underwear

"They fit! They finally fit! I was able to move around all day and not feel uncomfortable, strangled at the waist and cinched in the rear! My underwear finally fit!!"

Scott was jubilant yesterday even though he had to wear clothes and go to the doctor in Seattle. When he weighed in at the doctor's office, it confirmed what our home scale had been saying. Scott is losing weight. He was unhappy about the fact the scale weighed heavier than at home, but I reminded him that at home, his usual attire is his birthday suit covered by a bathrobe even older than the one I wear!

For a couple years now, I've been sharing information with Scott about nutrition. (He has other terms for my delivery: nagging, pleading, etc.) All my words of wisdom were to no avail. He was still making nightly trips to the kitchen for Dave's killer bread and peanut butter and then wondering why he was getting so heavy. Couple loaves of bread with very little movement because of his COPD and you have a weight problem.

Finally Scott got the message... from the Internet. If Scott sees it on the computer and in an ad on TV, it must be true! First step was buying a weight bench. I strongly disagreed with the decision, but it's now sitting in our garage (Whoops, Scott's recording studio. Pardon me!) Yes, just sitting there, but he has gone out to look at it and actually picked up a couple five pound weights. That's a start. Right?

A couple months ago, I also received the pronouncement, "NO MORE BREAD!" Okay, I responded quizzically. "I've been studying nutrition," he announced proudly and then handed me a list of the groceries to buy him so he could start eating more healthily:

Lemons
Frozen (not fresh) vegetables
Apple Cider Vinegar salad dressing
Blueberry yogurt
No Bread for me
Mixed nuts
Eggs, hard boiled - 2/day
No eating after 8 pm
Whey - 1 cup/day with oatmeal
V-8 juice
Cottage cheese with pineapple
Bananas
Asparagus
Cauliflower
Chicken
Steak

I bought everything on the list and we started the new regimen. And yes, I've lost a couple pounds too, but I tend to eat the portion Scott used to eat, just so I don't give more to him. Isn't that thoughtful of me. :-)

While his cardiologist disagrees with two hard boiled eggs a day and items on the list need to be eaten in moderation, this approach seems to be working. Scott's underwear (really big ones) finally fit. He's feeling proud of his accomplishment and it's actually easier for him to move around.

You would think that after 21 years of marriage (this month!), I would understand by now that Scott and most other men I know, have to believe the idea is their very own before it's worth considering. Well, if it helps Scott wear underwear more often, I'm ALL for it!!

The Dance

I wrote this last summer, but it seems appropriate to post on Valentine's Day.

I glanced over my shoulder and felt a twinge of envy. I want to do that. It’s been so long and was so much fun. There in the middle of the park was a couple, smiling, laughing, oblivious to others around them while they danced. They were the only ones swing dancing to a toe-tapping tune being played by two guitarists on the performance platform on one side of the park.

It was a beautiful, warm summer evening. Not many people were listening to the mini-concert. A few vendors had tents at the other end of the park while most of the activity centered on the children’s play area. From my perch on a picnic table bench, I looked back at the two-story jungle gym to make sure I could still see my three year-old grandson, Benjamin, dashing up the climbing rocks, running across the castle bridge and squealing with delight as he slid down the winding tunnel slide. Red-faced and happy, he glanced over at me to make sure I was where I was supposed to be.
When I first met Scott, we danced a lot. I owned a dating service, a business I started in early 1990. Many said the business was self-serving since I met two of my husbands over the years I was involved with the Singles Resource Center. Scott was the last. We met at a Christmas function held at my home and later would encounter each other at the Friday night dances. Scott was an excellent dancer having honed his skill as a teen with lots of practice. It paid off when he became the center of attention at high school dances. He loved being the center of attention and he still does.

When we danced it was usually a slow dance; the kind of dance that somehow became more than just a dance. The steps couldn’t be labeled, because there was more sensual swaying than choreography. I leaned into him and could always smell his cologne. I’d caress the back of his neck as he held me close.

 He left me to swing and line dance with other partners and friends. He wasn’t possessive, but he was on a mission to win me over with charisma, charm and slow dancing. At one point I told him, “You’d be perfect if you weren’t a smoker.” He won me over anyway and I married the perfectly imperfect man. Scott continued smoking for many more years, even after five-way heart bypass surgery.

We don’t dance any more. Scott’s smoking finally caught up with him and he now has the lungs of a four year-old supporting the body of a two hundred and forty-five pound man. It’s a struggle for him to move at all.

How do I feel about how our lives together have evolved? Prior to meeting Scott, I actually prayed for a man who would love me with his whole heart, unconditionally, if that was even humanly possible. In previous relationships, I had spent much too much time trying to prove my worth and not getting what I needed in return. Over the years as a single working mother, I finally learned I could survive on my own and I had value as a person.

Independence became a priority. I wanted to maintain that status, but was still seeking love. Someone once told me, “What you need is a man you can take out of the closet when you need him.”  Instead, I was given the gift of Scott, and so far I haven’t been able to keep him in any closet!

It is still amazing to me that I don’t even question his love and never have. He loves me beyond what I deserve and tells me that every day. He’s supported my endeavors throughout our marriage, whether it was listening to me unload about responsibilities working for the State or encouraging my start-up business ideas after I retired. He’s accepted my daughters and loves them as his own.

He’s still perfectly imperfect and that has become more apparent as the years go by. Now and then, he also points out my imperfections, so we have lots in common, but what’s important is that I still have my independence and I have Scott’s love, exactly what I asked for.  Do I wish life were different at times? Of course, particularly for Scott. He often says, “You didn’t sign up for this (his health issues).”

“Yes, I did,” is my truthful reply.

We now do a dance of a different kind. He leans on me and that’s really okay.

 

For Better or Worse

Scott and I will celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary in one month. You would think after all this time, very little would surprise me about this man, but somehow he still manages to get a rise out of me - sometimes that's a good thing; other times, not so much. Case in point...

I'll admit it, I'm a bit of a grump in the morning. My utterances are few. Scott on the other hand is ready for a full blown conversation. "Good morning! How are you this morning? How did you sleep? Is there any coffee?

I've just shuffled out of the bathroom and haven't even fed the dog yet and there's supposed to be coffee - aarrghh - really! My response yesterday was, "Yes. Okay. Okay. No." When Scott asked for further clarification, I said, "Don't you realize that I'm monosyllabic in the morning?!" (I realized that using a word with five syllables, I was contradicting myself). Scott's response: "Oh, I thought you were Norwegian."

And then there was the incident with the walker. The family knows that when Scott wants something and I'm not within his line of sight, he will holler at the top of his lungs, "Bonnie King."  Although his lungs are impaired, he still has volume when he wants it and can count cadence with the best of soldiers. The family thinks his name calling is funny and we all joke about it.

I was around the side of the house watering plants. I had my rubber flip flops on which had become soaked with water. Every step was a "squish." Then I heard it. "Bonnie King" - more than once. I squished and slipped my way around the corner to see Scott sitting in the garage (whoops - it's to be called his "studio") and pointing at the driveway. "It's my walker. Run after it; it's going down the driveway!"  Riiiiiiggghtt. I'm supposed to run in wet, slippery flip flops after a walker that with help from Scott, took off toward the gulley, made a quick left turn and headed down a 30 percent grade (or something like that) to the street.

I imagined the worst: that the walker was going to create some calamitous accident with a car running into it as it shot into the street. I squished my way to the top of the driveway and was very thankful to see the walker had stopped at the curb. Close one. I slipped and slid down the driveway, retrieved the runaway and in no uncertain terms asked Scott if he knew the walker had hand brakes. He indignantly explained, he was just trying to move it out of the way and it was a good thing it didn't hit the van in our driveway. My eyebrows rose on that one!

Oh well - there's never a dull moment living with Honey Haverly. For better or worse. :-)

2013: Twelve Weddings & a Funeral

Twelve weddings and a funeral... Not the name of a movie, but events of the past year.

January began with a wonderful blessing. Granddaughter Grace Ella was born to Jon and Kendall. What a sweetheart who's perky personality shows itself more every day, particularly when she’s crawling after Micah to explore whatever he’s doing. This surprisingly patient three year old also spent more time with me this year, while mom took Grace to Stroller Strides to get back into shape (not Grace – Kendall!). We had great fun since Micah gets such a kick out of using his flashlight to hunt for our cat, Riley, under my bed or helping me take Charlie out back to make the poops. I’m such a creative baby sitter. 


Speaking of Charlie, our malti-poo. I finally succumbed to adopting a pet from the Metro Animal Services Shelter where I volunteer to take photos for their website on a regular basis. Charlie grabbed my heartstrings from the get go. Our ten-year old adoptee came to us with a ravenous appetite, medical issues and the mental capacity of a newborn, perhaps less. But he is a lover – of a particular stuffed monkey and a green sausage-shaped squeaky toy. His one saving grace: he tolerates the cats (we now have two – Metro Animal Shelter struck again!) and loves to lay with me on the couch when I’m watching TV. That’s enough to keep him in my good graces.

January through April found me at the Puyallup Senior Center on Friday afternoons teaching Memoir Writing. In my case, since I haven’t had time to write mine (I still have every good intention), I’m teaching it. Isn’t that the way the saying goes, “If you can’t do it, you teach it.”

In the spring, long time neighbors, Dick and Betty, moved from next door to a retirement community on South Hill. But the good news is that our new neighbors were meant to have their home. Jim and Trish and family are a real blessing. They love animals, cross fence conversation and getting to know all their neighbors. Since our “neighborhood” consists of very few houses (three close together and a couple across the street and around the corner), having people nearby who are neighborly couldn't be better.

Springtime was also time for a great road trip to Lake Chelan with my friends Janine and Susan. If you want to walk off a few pounds, go visit J9 in Manson. She’ll show you how it’s done walking her dog, Hank, (now dogs, since they adopted a new pup, Kate) two to three miles a day. Of course, we balanced the exercise with lots of good food and winery visits. 

My 50^th class reunion in June found Scott and me in Pasco, Washington visiting with classmates. The way Scott fits right in had some thinking he must have graduated with us too. He managed to lead our table group in karaoke singing and encouraged others to get up and give it a go too! It was wonderful to spend a little time with my younger brother Jim (who is now a senior citizen – how the heck did that happen!) and his wife, Cindy.

Chris Lynch, one of the volunteers at the shelter, and I also started work on creating a Friends At Your Metro Animal Shelter (FAYMAS) non-profit. The paperwork is all filed; we’re incorporated with the State of Washington and just waiting for our IRS tax-exempt status to be determined. Stay tuned in 2014 for more information about how the organization plans to help animals at the shelter.

The two women’s organizations to which I belong also kept me busy. I was elected Treasurer of my P.E.O group which raises money for women’s education. Women in Transition (WIT) which a couple of us started three years ago, is still meeting once a month on Friday’s for breakfast at Charlie’s Restaurant in downtown Puyallup. This is a fun, informal group meeting to share life’s adventures and figure out how we can support each other in a positive way. No dues, no obligations – just show up.

Grandson Ben turned three in September; his dad, Ron, gave us all a scare in the fall with his medical issues, step-grandson Ryan moved in with Courtney and Ron. Step-granddaughter Marissa and her baby, Aiden, were here for a few weeks and granddaughter, Karina, spent ten days with us before and during Christmas. She had also been with us in August and we’re looking forward to seeing her again in May!

Earlier I mentioned two cats… Yes, I succumbed again after fostering a sick kitten, and Tot (named by Scott) is now a member of our family too. He pesters Riley to no end, the Siamese we inherited from Ron and Courtney, and provides endless laughs with his antics. He would have been great friends with Bella, who enjoyed playing with him too, but unfortunately the one funeral I mentioned was Bella’s, our beloved lab/greyhound dog. Her 11 years finally got the best of her and we lost her just after Thanksgiving.

I also mentioned 12 weddings, the number of wedding gigs I had this year. I did have help from good friend Shelly Luthi, but it was quite the adventure. At last count, I had 104 clients this year, including the wedding shoots. And I ended the year by taking photos of someone with a last name starting with “Z.” Isn’t that fitting :-)

Last, but not least… The biggest highlight of all was being able to give Scott his published book, The Last Apocalypse, a manuscript he wrote almost thirty years ago. With the help of friends and family: Jacqueline Martens, John Budz and Vee Sawyer, and Michael Hutton, we were able to pull it off without him knowing about it ahead of time. It was a great Christmas Eve surprise. 

www.facebook.com/TheLastApocalypse?ref=profile

Needless to say, it was a busy and blessed year. I’m eager to see what 2014 brings and certainly give thanks for what we have and pray for continued blessings for my family and yours.

Scott's Christmas Surprise

The highlight for December was the unveiling of Scott's surprise gift, the book he wrote almost thirty years ago. He had no idea it was coming, which was an accomplishment in itself, given my difficulty keeping secrets, unless they are really Top Secret! He was definitely overwhelmed, shed a few tears, as I did, and has been bragging about being a published author ever since. He's also told me it's the sweetest gift he's ever received. We were at the doctor's office on Friday and he merrily motored around the waiting room in his "electric chair" asking if anyone wanted to buy a book, He got a lot of laughs, but no sales.

Here is the story behind the story which is also in the Editor's Notes at the back of the book:

The manuscript was yellowing and frayed at the edges. Some pages had lost their anchor in the cumbersome three-ring binder. That’s what twenty-eight years of idleness will do to a dream.

Scott first began writing The Last Apocalypse in 1983 and it wasn’t until his second wife, Donna B., put the words to paper in typewritten form in 1985-86 that there was hope this science fiction novel would become a published book. Unfortunately, plans to publish the book came to an end. So did the marriage.

In our twenty-year relationship, Scott has asked me more than once if I’d read the book. Truth be told – I hadn’t. The three-inch binder seemed too onerous to tackle. I intended it for a rainy day project and there never seemed to be enough of them – until 2013.

With my retirement in 2008, came a new found passion for teaching memoir writing, photography and an opportunity to meet interesting and interested people. Jacqueline Martens, a student in my memoir writing class and a whirlwind typist, agreed to take on the project of converting Scott’s typewritten pages to digital copy. My new found friend and fellow photographer, Vee Sawyer and her husband John Budz, agreed to assist with the layout and publication of the book through their company, Ward Street Press. Our talented son-in-law, Michael Hutton of Michael Hutton Design, was very open to designing the cover for the book. All of this was done without Scott’s knowledge, although I did have to ask him the occasional off-handed question about some aspect of his past.

As the digital pages arrived from Jacqueline and I began an initial editing read-through, it became apparent character development pieces were missing, very important pieces. Some time ago, Scott had told me about a particular part of the book that I just couldn’t find in what I had sent Jacqueline. So the hunt began… on the backsides of the manuscript pages. In an attempt to be economical with paper, newer iterations of the story had been typed on the blank sides of older versions. I began reading the manuscript’s backsides and eventually made another copy of everything there. It was a puzzle to put together, since pages were upside down, right side up, and in no apparent order. The missing pieces finally emerged and an additional forty pages of manuscript were sent for digitizing. The story was finally whole.

As I read and re-read The Last Apolcalyse, I gained a renewed appreciation for Scott’s innate and acquired intelligence. Please remember, this was written before being able to ‘Google’ information about any and all subjects. Anyone who knows Scott very well will attest to his knowledge of history, his interest in world events, and his breadth of information on just about any subject. Ask him about his past and he will be happy to tell you of his experiences. He is definitely a story teller, many of them – war stories.

In The Last Apocalypse, I also marveled at his ability to create a storyline by visualizing the scene in detail, to become the characters and to allow the story to unfold before him. It was not surprising that his military training and experience drove details and that his own life experiences were woven throughout the story. Devon Everly is Scott Haverly - in large measure.

The original manuscript is still yellowing and fraying at the edges, but finally after twenty-eight years, The Last Apocalypse is no longer just a dream, it’s a published book.

Bonnie King-Haverly

The Last Wife

Available at
Createspace 
https://www.createspace.com/4569527
and
Amazon Books 
http://www.amazon.com/The-Last-Apocalypse-Scott-Haverly/dp/1494465531/