It's Time

It’s time. I’d been thinking about it since the first of the year. When I got a request, I was no longer excited; it felt like an interruption, perhaps even an irritation. How could I claim photography as a passion as well as a business, when the pull of a photo session felt more like a push?

I floated the idea of quitting the business with friends and family. When one of my acquaintances suggested selling my cameras, I blurted out immediately. “Absolutely not! I’m still going to take photos,” I reacted as a mother protecting her offspring. I mentally threw my body across my cameras to ward off any possible attack or pillage.  

The process of sharing with the universe what I’d been thinking and feeling was productive. It helped me clarify what it was about my passion that had become problematic. It was the business. I no longer liked the work involved getting ready for a shoot or the work following a shoot. I can honestly say I did enjoy photo sessions with clients. There were a few exceptions, but very few.

And I really loved the results, the photos themselves, even though I spent far too much time assuring those results were as pleasing as possible. I still find myself admiring the beautiful moments I was able to capture with my camera. I can look at a photo and feel awestruck knowing I shared in the creation of something memorable. At times, it’s wondrous to me that I was the one behind the camera.

Photography is a gift given to me quite by accident, something I fell into without a plan. Taking landscape photos turned into family photography and later, wedding photography. Pet photos became a real joy as I volunteered, and continue to volunteer, as a photographer at the local animal shelter. There were times when I would have a dozen sessions a week and feel completely overwhelmed. It was a race to get all the photos edited and forwarded to clients via my website within the promised timeframe.

But as I started contemplating letting go of the business, the calls and email requests died off, even before I made any public announcement. The universe was providing evidence - it was time.

Two other factors played part in the decision making. I finally had an MRI of my right foot, after limping around for nine months. The finding was a torn tendon, also known as flat foot dysfunction which might require surgery. I’ve begun physical therapy and am determined to avoid surgery. It would involve taking bone from my hip, other complicated procedures, and being on the mend for the better part of a year. At any rate, the idea of being on my feet now for more than a couple hours at a time ruled out continuing with wedding photography. Thankfully my good friend Shelly, with whom I’ve partnered on wedding shoots over the years, was able to step in and shoot the two weddings I had already booked for July.

The second factor was my husband Scott. His mobility is compromised a great deal more than mine. He has minimal lung capacity because of COPD/emphysema and difficulty moving anyway because of arthritic hips and a prosthetic leg. We decided it would be better for him to move downstairs into the master bedroom that served as my photography studio. It’s closer to his bathroom and “man cave” recording studio. Without my indoor studio, it was clear - my rainy season business would be as good as gone.

In late June, I noticed a new photography studio next to my nail salon, stopped in and picked up a card with the idea they might need some equipment. By the end of the week, the husband and wife team visited my studio and decided to buy everything I had to sell. They paid cash and hauled it all away.

I was able to repaint the bedroom and get it ready for Scott. By the end of the next week, Scott’s daughter, Summer, came over to help him in his studio. She told us her community was having a garage sale at the end of the week to help one of their neighbors raise money for medical bills. That’s all I needed. I filled Summer’s car to the brim with studio props. A couple days later I took another carload to the community sale. Within a ten day period in early July, my studio was dismantled, equipment sold and Scott moved downstairs.

My daughter, Kendall, lists one of my character traits as “decisive.” In other words, very little can stop me, once I make up my mind.  I just do it (sometimes not getting the best result). This time I’m convinced there were other factors at work. In giving up the photography business, I don’t believe I was decisive, but more part of a process. I shared my feelings with others and circumstances and events unfolded to show the direction in which I needed to go.

One of the last indicators I was making the right decision came a couple weeks ago. I climbed the stairs to my front porch. Just below the porch light had been my “Welcome” sign which also read, “Bonnie King Photography.” It was gone! A brief search found it nestled behind my petunia planter just below where it hung. It simply fell down. If that isn’t a “sign,” I don’t know what is.

This week I took down my street-side sign, the one just below the waterfall. It didn’t want to come out of the ground peacefully, so a sledge hammer was my convincer. By this time, my decisiveness had kicked in.

Now there’s the question of what to do with the decals on my Smart Car. She sports Abbey, the dog, on the back window and little sweetie, Allison, on both sides advertising Bonnie King Photography. Eyelashes adorn the front headlights. This is a tough decision.  I love that little girl’s laughing face. I definitely get more smiles to the mile. Eventually, when I have a couple hours to scrape, use Orange Clean or Goof Off and 90% alcohol as advised by the folks who put the decals on the car, the decals will go, but for the fun of it, the eyelashes will stay.

I’ve put notices on my Facebook page and website that I’m out of business, while reassuring those clients I still have booked that I won’t leave them stranded. My website will continue to be available for some time and I’m referring all photo requests to Shelly Luthi Photography.

So what's calling my name now, beckoning instead of irritating? Friends At Your Metro Animal Shelter (FAYMAS), the non-profit officially launched a year ago with Chris Lynch, continuing as the animal shelter photographer, and shooting fun photos of family, friends and some artsy subjects. Our home remodel is ongoing, Scott needs attention (which he denies) and I am intending to get back to work on my dad’s story as well as my own.

Funny - how life unfolded for me since retiring in 2008. The planning that was so important most of my life has become more process than plan. And now I’m blessed with time to trust the process, reflect on what’s happening (particularly when I’m writing), and see where it leads me. Wherever that is, it’s where I’m supposed to be – it’s time.