Finding Karina

As soon as I hit the send key March 3, 2012, the "what ifs" enveloped me with regret. What if the timing isn't right for her? She knows she's adopted, but what if she doesn't want to know her biological family? I didn't ask Courtney whether I should do this; now how do I explain this selfish impulse to her?

Three days earlier, I'd spent time with Courtney and our conversation turned to Karina, the daughter for whom Courtney, at the age of 18, had chosen an adoption plan. "I found her on the Internet," she said nonchalantly.

"You did! How did you do that?"

"I just Googled 'Karina, Class of 2011, Ketchikan, Alaska' and there were three Karinas with photos of each of them. I knew immediately who she was."

We continued our conversation. Courtney indicated she'd decided not to contact her, but wanted to leave it up to Karina to contact her, when and if she wanted to.

I mulled this over from Thursday until Saturday. Courtney had decided not to contact Karina, but she hadn't said anything about me not contacting her, I rationalized. When I couldn't contain myself any longer, I went online and found Karina's facebook page. There she was, looking like Courtney and at the same time, very much like her biological father. Without any further thought given to the consequences, I sent the following "friend" request:

"Hi Karina. I hope you won't be upset that I'm requesting you as a friend on facebook. I'm your biological grandmother. Your biological mother, Courtney, found you on the Internet and told me. She decided it would be up to you to contact her if and when you want to. I just wanted you to know we've loved and prayed for you all these years. We know you have wonderful parents and a younger brother, Michael. We will always wish only the best for you."

The next three days were full of prayers asking God to somehow keep my lack of self restraint from becoming a disaster. Monday, March 5th, my prayers were answered. I received the following facebook message from Karina:

"Dear Grandma Bonnie,
I never imagined that my first contact with my biological family would be through Facebook. It is truly funny how modern technology gives us these new opportunities. I was very surprised to see your friend request, but after much prayer and seeking counsel from my parents and other leading figures in my life, I have chosen to accept your request in the hope that our relationship will go beyond Facebook and that I can slowly become a part of your life and you can slowly become a part of mine. I have always had a desire in my heart to someday write a letter to you and to Courtney expressing my desire to meet you in person and Lord willing, have you all become a part of my life. It seems that God has chosen to move in a different way and bring us together much sooner than I had ever imagined, but this is something that I want very, very much. The past 19 years of my life have been wonderful. I have no regrets and neither should Courtney. She made the right choice and she chose for me two wonderful parents. My Mom and Dad have given me opportunities that some people only dream of. More than giving me opportunities, they have also given me a two-parent family that has centered our lives on Christ."

I wept tears of joy (and relief), as you can well imagine. Now I had to tell Courtney what had happened.

As we rode to exercise class together on Tuesday evening, I was thinking about how I would sit down with Courtney after class and tell her about facebook and Karina. The best laid plans...

"So - I see you're facebook friends with Karina," Courtney stated matter of factly, as I just about drove off the road.

"How did you know that?"

"Your facebook page says that you and Karina are friends. I saw it a couple days ago."

Feeling like a real dummy, not having thought (March was my month for not thinking, just doing) about the fact that Courtney checks my facebook page regularly, I asked her how she felt about it. Not surprisingly - she responded, "I was angry with you at first, but I've had some time to think about it and it's okay. Now I need time to process all this some more before I contact her."

I did ask Courtney to forgive me and by the end of the week, Courtney and Karina were friends on facebook. A couple weeks later, Kendall and Karina became friends too.

In the last two months, there have been many messages between Courtney and Karina with questions and answers covering the last 19-1/2 years of Karina's life. I've also done my share of messaging and emailing, with the understanding I wouldn't blog or write anything about it on facebook. (That's been very hard for the person who has trouble keeping secrets, but no trouble doing something impulsive!)

This past week, I was given permission by both Courtney and Karina to tell the story of finding Karina. And Karina just made her own facebook announcement too. After making plans with Courtney, she tagged Courtney, Kendall, and me on our facebook pages, that she'll be coming to Washington in mid-August to stay with Courtney, Ron and Ben for about three days before she heads back to college in South Carolina. We are all giddy with excitement and of course, she'll be visiting with the rest of us too!

Even selfish actions are used by God for good. That was certainly the case in finding Karina.